Today, We Walk

Today, Collin and I went on a walk.

Walks are typical in our life, it’s an easy way for us to get out of the house, stretch our legs, and get exercise and fresh air together. Walks are essential to our overall well-being especially when working from home. One of my favorite things about these walks is our conversation topics.

Typically we go on about how grateful we are. We go on about our future plans and our big dreams for our life; we go on about our big dreams for BlissBranch. We talk about how we can improve the clarity of our message, we talk about all of the positive and negative feedback. We talk about all of the men and women we’ve met around the country and our shock at how open and honest everyone has been.

Honestly, I have no idea how to move forward sometimes! I get so overwhelmed and I have about fifty ideas going on at one time for the future of our shop, our blog, our life!

I could never have imagined where I am now. If you had approached me three, four, five years ago and gave me a glimpse into my life, I would never have mistreated myself the way I did. It’s difficult to really say that, I suppose, due to the fact that I may’ve never met Collin if my life didn’t play out exactly the way it did.

On the other hand, it was obviously meant to be, so maybe in some alternate universe if I had seen into my future and loved myself as a teenager, I probably would’ve still met and married Collin. So, anyway.

We went on a walk and talked about baby names. We talked about future hypothetical children. We talked about our girls growing up with Lucy, our hypothetical boys growing up with Wolfie. Just all the adorable, unnecessary scenarios and dreamy things you realize are so much more fun dreaming up with someone else.

We picked our favorite cities we’ve visited and built hypothetical homes, moved into hypothetical apartments, bought and named hypothetical dogs, and went on hypothetical vacations to the beach. (Collin’s never vacationed. Toured his whole life, yet has never stayed at a beach!)

We want to grow BlissBranch and have a storefront. We want to have a trailer and pop-up shops. We want to spend months in Colorado with my family, we want to volunteer on holidays to help those who can’t help themselves. I want to do public speaking at schools, meet girls and know what they fear, what they love. I want to teach them how awesome they are.

I feel like as a young girl, I had people telling me I was perfect the way I was. It’s not a lie, I feel like all P.E. classes have a health unit where you learn that about yourself. You learn about things like abstinence and drugs and self-worth. The problem is, you learn it like you learn about the Civil War. It goes in your ears, across your page, but you don’t absorb any of it.

At least I didn’t. Granted, I was in like seventh grade and had hit puberty around the age of eight or nine, so. The Health class thing really wasn’t anything new.

Truth be told, I was in and out of the hospital from the ages of eight to thirteen because I had a brain tumor.

I know what you’re thinking! Woah, what?!

Yeah, I had a pituitary adenoma. I still do, actually!

I have a little brain tumor the size of a pencil eraser right in between my eyes, on my pituitary gland. It was the reason I was overweight when I was young. It also affected my growth rate, shooting me at 5’6″ by the age of eleven, not to mention having lost all of my teeth by the age of nine.

It affected the rate at which my body metabolized food. I didn’t, really. I was deemed insulin resistant, and I was put on Metaphormin. After that, I was declared to have high blood pressure, so I was put on a med for that. All the while, I had no idea I even had a condition. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I was bigger than everyone else and made fun of, I didn’t actually care about my health, I just cared about looking like everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t even come close.

I couldn’t even help it is the thing. My body had it’s own agenda, despite the bullying and judgements of others.

The reason I still have the adenoma is because two years ago I paid to have my third MRI. The adenoma was deemed benign, and I didn’t need surgery.

I’m totally healthy.

The message here is that, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. We know this already, but really.

Maybe that little kid who isn’t so little has a little brain tumor preventing them from even being little so how about you take your little judgment somewhere else otherwise you’ll just end up feeling like the little person here. I was the little kid who wasn’t so little, remember?

Try to catch yourself each time you’re about to say something negative about someone. Anyone. I still have to do it! Think about that cashier who was a real jackass today at the store. Okay, maybe he wasn’t actually a jackass. Maybe he has a different and difficult life and doesn’t know how to channel his dissatisfaction in a healthy way. Maybe he’s working on it and today just wasn’t his day.

(Road rage is excluded because people sometimes just are terrible drivers ok and you have to honk and yell so what ok I’m a woman ok thanks)

Anyway. I basically forgot about my brain tumor until the other day and then I remembered.

And I am so entirely grateful that I am some bizarre medical miracle. I am who I am due to everything I’ve experienced, and I wouldn’t change my life today for anything.

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2 comments

  1. avamohtashemi · October 3, 2014

    Thanks for sharing Karsyn. It’s awesome that you have become so positive about things. I also have moments where I look back at my times of struggle and realize that it may have been worth it in a way, because it made me the person that I am today.
    keep em coming!
    – Ava

  2. littlerobotic · October 3, 2014

    Beautifully written. I feel you big time. As a person thats also been blessed/cursed with overwhelming creative drive my mind is constantly fighting itself on where to go next. Ideas, concerns, doubts, more ideas, unfinished projects, its never ending, more so in my brain than anywhere else. But like you I have a wonderful man who is also tremendously creative and supportive. On another note, thank god for creativity because it really can heal the body and soul. You are truly blessed with talent and I commend you on what you are doing 🙂 Keep it up. Cant wait to see more.

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